20 November 2015

Post #93

As I reflect on this year and all the great things that have happened this month, it leaves me with several thoughts and giggles.

Visiting New Babies:

My sister Megan (new mom) vs. I have no baby:

New mom : Brings her good friends Drew and Chelsea taco platters with no intention of even waking their new baby up but just to shower them with delicious pre-made food.  As they are probably tired and hungry.

Me: Shows up at 5:30 in the pm and drinks the new mom and dad's wine.  I am a total asshole sometimes.  Shit happens.  Love you Dillon and George!!!

My Mother and Father:

Mom and iPhone:

Accidentally FaceTimed my boyfriend.  Thank God she was dressed.  That's all.  Love you mom.


Probably sleeping.  However, his day was made yesterday when he bought his first natural fed Turkey...which my boyfriend has agreed to deep-fry.  For some reason this all sounds wrong and right at the same time.



Probably one of the best friends you could possibly have.  I remember in grade school you would have necklaces or bracelets declaring to the world that you had found someone who was your soul sister...that's right I said it!  This girl is one one of them.

My most bitching friendship ring ever!

Fuck it.


Bitch Tits goes in and out of hating me and dealing with me.  We have a daily fight over whether or not she wants to bite my foot off.  Mr. Sushi?  Well, same shit different day...for fuck's sake, he just swims in his bowl.  Then comes the terror of TV remote land.  Ripple, that little shit ate another goddamn remote control.  How in the fuck am I supposed to watch my pre-recorded Judge Judy shows if I can't use the "list" button?  I even bought that turd a sweater as she hates being cold.  

Hi Ripposaurus, you are lucky I found out I could use
the menu button you didn't gnaw through!  

Significant Other:

The first fridge I bought with my sister 8 years ago:

Britt and I bought new appliances, which I am thrilled about.  But, I had to say goodbye to my first fridge, and when I finally pulled off the little plastic safety tape on that Frigidaire... I cried, like a baby.  Yes, Megan and I left it on since day one. It's not the appliance but the memories goddammit!  Britt laughed at me, but also gave me a hug and told me he loved me.  That's what it's all about folks.  Finding that person that let's you be a sentimental woman (child)...instead of thinking you are batshit crazy.  Although, he still might...

May you crisp beer, chill boxes of wine, and cool condiments for all the years of your life!

Okay, so that about sums it up.  I look forward to Thanksgiving and eating the shit out of mashed potatoes and gravy.  I sincerely hope that all of my dear friends have an amazing holiday.  Looking forward to seeing most of you at my folk's house!

Happy Holidays,

Katie E. Eshelman 


16 November 2015

Post #92

Hi foks!  Life as I know it...


I live with a Seahawk fan.

Go Cards!!!


4:00 yet?


Pretty much the damn same.  Mr. Sushi is swimming, so yeah, all good on that note.  Bitch Tits hates me with a fiery passion...until I cut her nails, which she assumes is a manicure and I am her "bitch". Brilliant.  Ripple loves everyone and every goddamn thing.  She would invite a serial killer into the house...and then give them HER goddamn treats if she could.  

I know where they hide the money too!  

So in general, life as I know it is awesome.  Weather is amazing and I believe it calls for a martini lunch.  

Cheers to all,

Katie E. Eshelman

P.S.  I am a fucking turd.  I have a brand new nephew, George, that I love more than the color green!!!  Still won't change his diaper.  I tried to pick up a shit nugget of Ripples and proceeded to vomit.