10 April 2013

Post #77

I had a dream last night I was engaged to my ex-boyfriend and was a vegetarian.  Let me rephrase that.  I woke up in the middle of the goddamn night, sweating profusely; in the throws of a deep, brain fucking, nightmare.  Once I came to my senses and realized that it was in fact a slumber-induced horror?  I couldn't fall back to sleep.  Far too dangerous. So, I thought I would watch TV.  Nope...son of a bitch, remote is missing.  Pinterest it was.  Found this, I think it most accurately depicts my emotions of the early morning.

He didn't put a ring on it...and I still love meat!

I have decided to never eat late night linguini and clam sauce again.  Terrible fucking idea.  In fact, second worst idea I've had this month.  The first?  Buying my dad Gallium.  http://www.lenntech.com/periodic/elements/ga.htm  I thought it would bring him back to his childhood when he used to roll pennies in mercury.

Absolutely not as cool as mercury and taints your hands like
you rubbed them in newspaper ink.

Came home to the shipment and couldn't help myself, I had to test it out.  Luckily, I was heavily buzzed. So, instead of containing it in the palm of my hand while being awed by it's magical powers.  I prudently and somewhat accidentally, tossed it all over my sister's bathroom and called it a night. 

Yeehaw! Hasta mañana!!!

Woke up the next day with black hands and a mild headache.  Walked downstairs, where my sister gently asked why there was Mercury all over the fucking place.  It's gallium Megan, not mercury...get it right for fuck's sake.  Plus, I am almost positive it's not dangerous.  The Internet wouldn't ship me harmful material.  I am fairly certain she wasn't exceptionally pleased with my answer. 

All in all April has been wildly successful.

Twenty-nine and counting!

Katie E. Eshelman

No comments:

Post a Comment