08 October 2012

Post #75

This past weekend I made the trek north to my family's cabin.  It's always a real treat, pine trees, cool weather, camp fire...and for this special trip?  Wasps!!!  A fucking ton load of wasps.  Delightfully different, in shape, size and color. All day Saturday and Sunday...

They're in my hair!!!

I have never been stung by a wasp, yet I am 100% sure I am deathly allergic.

My dad and uncle told me to calm the fuck down and I wouldn't get stung.  No can do.  A few cocktails later I had forgotten that the little shits even existed.  I followed this behaviour up with a lovely sunburn.  In any case, I still had a blast.  If you ever get the chance to sit around a fire pit with my dad and his brother?  Do so. Hanging out with grown men who think shitting their pants makes for good stories produces hours, if not minutes, of laughter.

Shits and giggles,

Katie E. Eshelman

04 October 2012

Post #74

So my house got broken into, which brought the cops to my yard and inside my home.  I got there ten minutes later but it was too late.  Let's just say as a new member of the break-in club I am more than willing to give some advice on what shit you should put the fuck away when you are not home as the "public eye"might take a gander without your consent...this crap left me wishing I had said list.

NUMBER ONE
What was that?  Yes, I like to party...my wallet does not.  Shits.

NUMBER TWO
It was for a costume dammit!

I have to delve deeper into this one..sts.  I went as a nudist on strike for Halloween last year and my sister thought it would be funny to have this on the opposite side of the strike poster.  I then figured it would be ironic and absolutely perfect to serve as a blocking device for Bitch Tits.  She is NOT allowed upstairs.  Boom. 


NUMBER THREE
Fucking halloween costumes.  Yeah, turns out this is how the police
got ahold of me so fast.  Fucking brilliant!  I win at the game of life!

NUMBER FOUR

...let's just say it required batteries.


At least it wasn't a fireman,

Katie E. Eshelman

03 October 2012

Post #73

Last time I punched one of these out it was June.  So what the fuck happened from then until now?  Just a bunch of delightful things...stacked on top of a heaping pile of shit.

A synopsis of my 29th summer in Arizona:

Work:

My five year old computer took a dump and my back up file was corrupt!!!  Hooray!

Yeah, I don't think a further explanation as to why I have been absent from my blog needs to be given.  But hey, silver lining here folks.  We got a new shelving unit!   My dad was totally stoked because it was free...due to the fact that he picked it up off the side of the road.

Shelving unit?  He found a fucking, baby changing table.

"I stopped and tossed her in the truck." -Zach Eshelman   It's safe to say our new shelves probably have baby piss on them.  Well done dad, well done.


Home:  


Burglarized!!!  Fuck yeah!

Bitch Tits:  Still trying to kill me.

Nightmares on top of nightmares.

I honestly have no clue where her blatant, unjustified, hostility stems from.
  

Drunk Purchases:  I would say right on par with where they should be. 


It's magical, she goes from Bitch Tits to Dick Head in less than a minute!

That about sums it up, life in general has handed me a shitload of downs this summer.  Yet, it also gave enough ups, booze, and football to keep it fun.  All that's left is for it to cool the fuck down!


Jeers and Cheers,

Katie E. Eshelman