28 June 2012

Post #72

With summer comes my "summer" attitude.  Zoshua should know to steer clear, but she's a cat and therefore incapable of comprehending this.  Yeah, shits not given.  I decided to formulate an "annoy the crap out of Bitch Tits and laugh my ass off" plan. After kicking around a bunch of ideas and her favorite toy (which is a fucking cellophane, cigarette wrapper) I concluded that she should wear a hat.  Not any hat would do, this hat had to be fabulous.  I found this...

Fancy as fuck.

Then, I discovered this piece of shit felt cost $45 goddamn dollars.  Ha!  That's not going to happen.  One trip to the online craft store later?

$8.43 and I nailed it.

Crafty as fuck,

Katie E. Eshelman

16 June 2012

Post #71

Cup of warm milk?

Yeah, give me a break.  The last thing I want if I can't sleep is almost curdled, tit liquid.  Nope.  I choose to flip on the TV and see if I can lull myself back into dream land.  Once again I fail.  I manage to tune into "Gangland: F-13"  This normally wouldn't be so bad...but at 3:30 in the am?  Not the best idea.  I know what you may be thinking, it's just a documentary.  You would be correct, the uneasiness lies in the commercials...

A vacuum for dicks and Dick...the pedophile.

Move over Viagra, there is a new tool in town.

I can't explain why, but I feel violated.  Wonder if ObamaCare covers this, as it IS covered by Medicare.  Although, I hardly think the President would ever use one...too many liberals sucking his cock to be needed.

I think I'll write in a candidate for this year's election.  "I'll Have Another" to win.  I believe this is fair.  If people are allowed to vote for a jackass, I should be allowed to vote for a horse.

America, fuck yeah!

Katie E. Eshelman

10 June 2012

Post #70

My dicktard neighbor decided to pimp out his jalopy by installing an exhaust pipe that can be heard from outer space. I have yet to SEE it, but I imagine it must look a whole lot like this...

Let me play you the song of my people...at five o'clock in the fucking morning!!!

Needless to say, I am up at an hour that should be reserved for truck stop hookers and crack whores.  I'm quite certain you can tell from my attitude that I need more beauty sleep.  So thanks asshole, I am awake and need something to occupy my time.  TV?  Sure.  HBO Movie?  Checks. 

What has been seen can not be unseen.

I mean you have got to be shitting me...I am now incapable of going back to sleep, have my .45 by my side, and will have to seriously rethink eating meat (sts) ever again.  If this makes no sense to you?  Google the fucking movie.

Oh what the hell, I'll make it easy for you:

Katie E. Eshelman

06 June 2012

Post #69

Holy shit.

The big 29.  The last of my twenties is upon me.  Today?  I have already purchased a ticket to San Francisco for a football game and accomplished not a single fucking thing at work.  I think this year I will strive to do a bunch of crazy/stupid shit (okay crazier and more unintelligent shit) as I've done pretty damn well with the sensible crap the past nine years.

I'm off to a running start...

How to get your checking account frozen one message at a time.

Sarcasm is truly a gift.  Now, I must share this tiny bit of wisdom...

Age is just a number...

...until you turn thirty.

I am sure that the next year of my life will be an interesting one...that I promise to share.  

To my mom and dad doing the deed,

Katie E. Eshelman