21 January 2012

Post #63

What the fuck happened this week...

I got a call at work Friday afternoon from my mother.  I know, Earth-shattering news.  She wanted to know if I had something to tell her.  I was slightly confused until she asked if I was expecting.  Expecting what...??? Oh motherfucking no I am not.  Turns out a company called Similac decided to send this package to my parents house with my name on it...

I will be nourishing nothing of the sort.

I called Similac.  I told the dude on the other line that my parents were f-ing pissed and questioning my virginity, also asked how the hell they get off sending this shit to random people?!  He stuttered something incoherent and then told me that I was chosen from some fucked up database (my words not his) and I would be removed from it promptly. Thanks asshole. And holy hell mom, do you really think that is how I would tell you that I'm with child?  Okay fine, maybe I would.

Zoshua has a new arch nemesis.  Apparently, I have a cat cohort that is just as intent on screwing with Bitch Tits as I am.  I have decided to call it Gingy, that's short for Ginger.

"What the fuck is that?"

That's Gingy!!!
That damn cat sat on that lawn chair like a boss for a good hour or two.  Well played buddy, well played.

Since I have to work on this lovely Saturday I am going to cut this short.

Shits and giggles,

Katie E. Eshelman

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