23 December 2011

Post #59

Update:  He expanded!  So f-ing stoked.
I think I'll get my eyebrows done today.
I'll bring this picture for inspiration.

What the hell I've been up to.  I know it's been awhile but I have been super busy doing the same shit on different days.

Arizona Floorcoverings newest neighbor Juan, you know the barber with mad computer skills?  Well he finished his sign that can be seen from fucking outer space.

Holy shit!  You just took barber pole to a completely
different (almost offensive) level.  I'm not sure this tactic will work in such a classy
neighborhood, but kudos it looks really nice.

My Uncle Aric decided to give him a shot.  While getting his hairs chopped he mentioned that our office desktop computer was broken.  Next day Juan came and picked it up, quoted a price that I did not pay attention to, and left.  Our computer is still missing.  Not cool Juan. That eggnog and whiskey special at our bar is now double for you...in cost...not booze.

The Adventures of Zach and his iPhone update:

He figured out how to access the game center.  To be honest, I still haven't delved this deep into my phone.  In any case, he joined every game that he could.  He informed me yesterday that he was upset because no one wanted to play with him.  The last game he joined?  Warcraft.  I'm pretty confident that if you have to ask Siri to text and call for you, Warcraft isn't the game for you.  I told him I played Words with Friends and that we could start a game.  He said no.

My sister and I stayed up entirely way too late the other night and decided that we should practice our "Holiday Pageant Duet." Our neighbor may or may not have called the cops on us to complain of a God awful noise.  Whatever lady, "You are the Wind Beneath My Wings" is a classic.  Where the hell is your holiday spirit?  Turns out Bitch Tits was equally disturbed.  After letting out a few pathetic cries she attacked Megan, I assume to try and smother her. This led me to only one conclusion.  My voice is superior.

Well that brings us to today.  This morning I had the pleasure of driving to Sun City, the geriatric capital of Arizona, to close a up a couple of files before the holidays.  Seems simple enough.  I woke up, put on one of my favorite pairs of old, really comfy jeans...that are a little worn out in the ass.  I must preface this because when I put them on, the last thing I thought was that they would meet their untimely death.  Let's move forward. "Volunteer City" here I come, hooray!!!  I called the household when I got off of the freeway to let them know I was close.  They told me that it took them twenty minutes from there but that they drive really fast so it might take longer.  Swell.  I got there in five damn minutes.  What speed limit do you folks consider fast?  10 mph?  I walked up the pathway to their abode and rang the bell, this apparently triggered the dog behind the door to almost have a grand mal seizure (at least that's what it sounded like).  Shits.  Turns out the little ball of bark is named Petie.  Lovely.  Well, Petie has no manners and begins the "jump up and scratch the crap out of me" routine.  The owners seem to think it's cute, I begged to differ.  In any case, I can't get the thing to sit still or leave me alone so I tried to discretely move myself around their kitchen island in hopes of avoiding him.  Terrible decision.  Petie didn't fall for my stealth-like maneuver and in a fit of rage tried to mount me from behind.  All would have been well and awkward if he hadn't hooked one of his nails in the back of my well worn jeans.  Yeah, the fuckers ripped...exposing my ass to not only the man of the house but the woman too.  The kind sir finally gave me the check I came to pick up and saw me to the door.  I love my job.

Rest in pieces jeans,

Katie E. Eshelman

No comments:

Post a Comment