29 November 2011

Post #55

UPDATE:  So on Friday I went to ACE Hardware to pick up a humane mouse trap in hopes of catching and releasing Cheez-It outside alive and thankful.  Unfortunately, I found out the only traps of the those kind were upwards of fifty bucks.  So yeah...kind of awkward buddy as you are shit out of luck.  I bought an alternative method.


My dad thought we should sweeten the deal and put a little treat next to each pack.  He suggested a nacho cheese flavored cracker.  No Dad.  I will not kill Cheez-It with Cheez-Its!  So I put a tortilla chip by each pack and closed the office for the weekend.  Nightmares ensued until Monday when I walked in the shop and discovered that my new office mate had treated the three "death zones" as such.  #1 Chip consumed, poison left untouched. #2 Chip ravaged, pack of poison relocated to...who the hell knows where.  #3 Chip inhaled, and one BITE of poison consumed.  The animal is now alive, full, and pissed.  Shits.

Give a mouse a box of wine over Thanksgiving? (Ok, ok...half empty box of wine.)  He'll try and eat every damn scrap of food in your office.

That's right folks there is a mouse that has decided to call Arizona Floorcoverings it's Motel 8 for a brief period of time, very brief.  Made an executive decision to call him Cheez-It (Nutcracker was a close second) because when I think 'mouse' I see:

Hey there little fucker.  Thanks for leaving the bag of delicious almonds you gnawed
your way through wide open.  They are now stale and inedible.  

Then I was reminded of a little something called Hantavirus.  Thanks Ben Eshelman.  It seems stale almonds and tortilla chips aren't so bad after all.  In any case, now I'm thinking...

Fucking nightmares for days.
Solution obtained?

"What? No wine?"

Nope.  In closing, tomorrow I must go to Home Depot and try to find a humane mouse trap to catch the little shit. Fucking Cheez-It.  

Truly Nolen,

Katie E. Eshelman

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