10 November 2011

Post #53

What the fuck happened this week.  I usually throw these out on Fridays but tomorrow is Veteran's Day and I'm riding that government holiday all the way to the...errr...bank?  Nevermind.

Still paranoid as fuck that Bitch Tits is trying to kill me.  The reasons are immeasurable.  Well I finally managed to grab photographic evidence that should prove to the world that she does in fact hate my guts.  I was reading a book and she jumped up on my lap...just feeling out the enemy I figured.  When I finally acknowledged her?  This was the death stare she was giving me.

Oh sweet merciful crap.  

The stone cold killer didn't even flinch when I grabbed my phone.  I quickly realized I was the human in this situation and told her that cats don't really have nine lives...they have one.  Shit you not she was like:

I will accept your olive branch at anytime Zosh.  Ball of string is in your court.

I went to Walgreen's to pick up some vino for my sister and myself and there was an offensively sexy man in the parking lot talking on his phone.  He was clearly not checking me out...but he sure as shit was in my head.  I made an executive decision not to procure the box of wine I had originally planned on as he would see me exit the store with it and he would want nothing to do with me. (Yes, I think about this shit.)  So I grabbed three bottles of wine instead and went to the check out.  That's where the nice store clerk gentleman told me that if I bought one more bottle they would all be 10% off!  Naturally I picked another bottle of wine because who in their right mind would turn down such a frugal deal.  Not this Jew.  I sashayed my way out of the store and that's when I realized that looking like an alcoholic as opposed to being a cheap one probably makes no difference to him.  Pretty sure I'm not getting that first date.

Then today I arrive home to find this:

Mom?  I swear I'll be good.  I'll take out the trash and everything...tomorrow.

I mean how the hell does shit like this happen?  So now I have to sleep with one eye open?  Crap.  If this makes no sense to you it means you didn't read this http://eshelwoman.blogspot.com/2011/09/post-43.html.  

To life,

Katie E. Eshelman

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