03 August 2011

Post #35

I am officially an adult on paper. 
However, I'll be a kid at heart till the day I die. 

Adult: I purchased life insurance.
Kid: Did you know you have to have a f-ing "doctor" ordered physical for that shit?  You do. It started out nice enough...blood pressure and pulse.  Then it went down a jungle-gym slide.  I went ahead and giggled when the "nurse" asked me to take a piss test.  When she told me I would have to pour said test into two tiny tubes? Well, I asked for a funnel...she was not amused.  I also insisted I take off my flip flops to get weighed...just to annoy her a bit, it made a difference dammit!  Blood test?  I made her test both arms for the best vein, then told her not to miss.  This resulted in a frown and what I believe to be an over sized, blood sucking needle.  The whole examination felt like a damn DUI test.  I am confident I aced it.

I'm a grown up: I have car insurance.
I'm a child:  Apparently, going to use it and abuse it.  Rental car damage is the shits...especially when your own wheels are in the shop for the same damage rendered.

Over the hill:  I drink Spicy V-8 "One Whole Serving of Daily Vegetables".  I care about the food pyramid.
At the bottom of a hill partying...unable to climb:  The five out of the six cans consumed?  I go ahead and add my own ingredients: salt, pepper, Louisiana hot sauce, Tabasco, Worcestershire, and Vodka.

I have a career: My work title is Operations Management Specialist.
I have a job: My prestigious position as, Manager of Bitch Work, allowed me to design my own business cards.  Therefore, I could not be usurped when naming myself as such.  

I don't answer my cell phone.  

I'm rubber and you're glue,

Katie E. Eshelman

UPDATE (15 AUG 2011):  Never drink the night before a blood test.  Oops.

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