26 April 2011

Post #20

While going through a shitload of old papers, photos, letters, and magazines...well folks, I hit literary gold.  I would like to thank my mother for saving this, I think she truly thought one day I might need this (I think she knows better now.)  And so, I share with you:


Jackpot.

It would take entirely way too long for me to share all the wonderful tips and suggestions so generously provided by Ann Landers, so I will choose just one.


Dear Mary, 

Your mother obviously chose the wrong name for you. 
The answer is no, you should not be allowed to wear a white dress. 
You are clearly a promiscuous whore who loves dick. 

Sincerely, Katie E.

Ann Landers was horribly mistaken. Never fear ladies, I have righted her wrong.

"What your dress says about you: A Story of Color."

White DressCollege was really, really boring.  You probably have a stock pile of batteries. 
Off White Dress:  You experimented...just that once.  He was supposed to be forever.  You drank/did too many White Russians at that party.  Hey there sweetie, stop making excuses and just go for the...
Really Off White Dress You are normal.  Cheers!
No Semblance of White Dress:  Your name and number are probably in every bathroom stall of your husband-to-be's fraternity house.  The prostitute hired for his bachelor party could wear white before you.  "What, What (In The Butt)" is on your iPod playlist.  Kudos.

There you have it, hope this helps one lucky woman make the right choice.

In all seriousness, these guides were vital back in the day to help one navigate through the treacherous path that is life.  So just in case:


Go ahead and put me down for How To Be Date Bait.  Thanks Ann.

It's almost nine, I should get back to work.

Katie E. Eshelman

1 comment:

  1. Katie that's great! Mary loves Dick. Keep em coming!

    ReplyDelete