30 March 2011

Post #8

This post is a top three list of things I don't care to see on facebook. 

1.  Daily significant other posts.  Wow.  You love your super, duper wonderful gf/bf...congrats.  That post about how you are so excited to do something super important with them.  Like...I don't know?  Eat dinner.  Tell someone who cares.  Them.

2.  Pictures of sonograms. It's like posting a fucking picture of your mammogram for the world to see.  I'm really happy you are pregnant (thank God it's not me), but in all honestly I don't want to see the inside of your uterus.  I feel, the only time it would be acceptable to see the inside of you would be if you posted an X-ray of a really gnarly break. 

3.  Vagueness.  For example: pray for me, I'm devastated, in pain, frown face, etc.  For fucks sake this isn't a forum for twenty questions.  You'll get the requisite slew of "What's wrong?" and "Is there anything I can do?" (if you really have friends that care).  Then hours later after you've received enough concern, you will explain that you found out that the Backstreet Boys aren't making a comeback.  If you need my Jew prayers, help, or a shoulder to cry on...just tell me what the hell is going on.  I'll make the final decision if any of the above are warranted.

If you are offended, I don't give a shit.  Delete me accordingly.  I've already removed you from my news feed.  Therefore, I won't even notice.

Much love,

Katie E. Eshelman

1 comment:

  1. This might be the most profound assessment of lame ass FB status updates in the history of the internet. You are like the Buddha of FB!! I freaking can't stand it! God bless the Eshelwoman!!